Normally, when Colleen and I leave for an extended period of time, we find someone to stop in at the house and check in on our cat Twix. This Memorial Day weekend, however, we could not find anyone local that was actually going to be around. So we decided to take Twix over to Adam's house in Yorkville. She would get to share the house with Adam's cat, Snarf, for the weekend.

We loaded up Twix in the cat carrier, along with all the other stuff we had packed up for the weekend in Missourri. About 15 minutes into the trip, we noticed a smell...a bad one. After hearing some scratching coming from the cat carrier, we realized that she shit in there. We had to pull over, take her out of the carrier, and dump the shit out on the side of the road. Nasty. Twix ended up sitting on Colleen's lap the rest of the way to Adam's.

It seemed that Twix had just as much fun at Adam's as we did in Missourri that weekend. On our way home on Memorial Day, we picked her up. We decided not put her in the cat carrier on the way home. Colleen drove the hour and a half from Adam's to our house, so Twix sat on my lap the entire way home. About 2/3 of the home, Twix started getting restless. I kept having to hold her down on my lap, because I didn't want her to jump on Colleen and impair her driving abilities. That's when it happened.

A lump of shit the size of a White Castle hamburger suddenly appeared on my lap. It was all over my shirt, shorts, and the seat belt. The horrific scent soon followed, and both me and Colleen were gagging. We rolled down the windows and immediately pulled over. I threw Twix onto the floor, jumped out of the car as shit flung off of me in all directions. Completely pissed off, I grabbed a roll of paper towels and started wiping myself off the best I could. Colleen was in the car wiping off the seat belt. That is when Twix decided to jump out of the open passenger side window.

So now we are chasing Twix in pitch darkness on the side of Route 59 in the outskirts of Barrington. She had no interest in coming over to us, she just wanted to run around and explore. While chasing after her, I stepped in a muddy, watery drainage hole, soaking my right foot. Colleen was freaking out that if we didn't catch her, we would lose her forever. Somehow we managed to corner her right before she ran into an opening in a fence. I grabbed her, walked with her to the car and shoved her back in her cat carrier.

So with one wet shoe and clothes smelling of poop, we drove the rest of the way home. What an ordeal! Someone really needs to invent cat diapers.